Today I am baking birthday cakes for the twins.
The party is on Saturday. Normally, I would be freaking out right about now. Parties turn me into a bit of a psycho. I hate them and love them, all at the same time. I love the “idea” of a fun birthday party, but I hate the planning. I hate loot bags, and blowing up balloons. I CRINGE at the amount of paper and plastic that gets hung up all over my house and yard. Years go by and I still find little bits of crepe paper streamers and scotch tape stuck to things.
Really ticks me off.
The smell of cheap plastic centrepieces, ketchup potato chips,and Dr. Pepper makes me want to gag. Throw burning candles in, and I need a bucket.
I don’t know where my disdain for birthdays came from. Maybe it’s the time at my 8th birthday when the tablecloth got caught between my legs, and standing up, I pulled the entire table down on my Mom’s dining room carpet…ravioli, hotdogs and lime pop included. I spent the rest of my party crying in my bedroom. Or, it could be because I used to plan corporate parties for a living. Making chili for 1,000 people and serving slab cake to line-ups of co-workers has scarred me for life.
Being a psycho-party-planner had its benefits. I used to have lists that counted down to party day, cakes baked weeks in advance, game prizes wrapped and organized, and the house would be cleaned as though I was getting ready for a health department inspection, not a preschooler’s birthday. But this year is different…
The cakes aren’t from scratch (not gonna lie, this makes me feel guilty).
I may or may not make a 3-D shark…it depends how energetic I feel Saturday morning. Or, if the twins tick me off before the party, it may just be a slab of cake with one of the kids’ toy sharks stuck on top.
The house isn’t clean. And I’m not gonna do it! Why clean the boogers off the walls now? In two days there will be 10 little booger-machines running a-mock in my house? I might spray the kitchen door window that’s covered in dog slobber…maybe.
Speaking of the dog, there’s dog-doo all over the back-yard (because the dog poo comes from MY dog, so it is solely MY job to clean it up). I promise I’ll clean that up before the kids arrive. It is a summer right-of-passage to step barefooted into dog poo, but I don’t want it tracked through my house.
I haven’t prepared any games yet. In fact, I announced to my husband that this year, it is his job to organize games. So, he’ll probably spray them with the garden hose, tell them to run, and call it a game.
And there’s a chance it might rain on Saturday. My back-up plan? Don’t have one. Maybe we will have a “see how fast you can clean the boogers off the wall” contest (kidding…don’t freak out, man).
I am sitting here waiting for the panic to kick in, and it just isn’t. So either the Rescue Remedy I slugged back last week is finally kicking in, or I have officially mellowed out.
After so many psychotic-episode-inducing, although admittedly Pinterest-worthy birthdays, I am ready to let this go. Yes, the 3-D shark pattern for the cake is from Pinterest…and IF I make it, the icing will be dyed with blueberries, not yucky food dye.
But there’s no theme. I didn’t colour-coordinate the table cloth with the hand-made banners with the the loot bags (yes, I have done this in the past). The watermelon will be cut into simple slices, because I just know that it tastes as good sliced as it does cut into the shape of animals. And news flash…kids don’t care. They just want the candy!
I remember when I sliced cheese, and then cut the cheese into tiny stars for my sons’ preschool class. I was so proud of those tiny little cheese stars.
Where did that Mom go?
I am glad to say, she is getting old, and realizing that there are things that you fuss over, and there are things you don’t.
So here I go, I’m letting my inner-70’s-crantini-sipping-kaftan-wearing-hippy-Mom out. My inner- 50’s, sparkly-clean-house-perfect-coconut-cake-with-fresh-coconut-slivers-in-a-flowered-dress-that-matches-the-streamers can stick it this year. (Ok, I am not really going to wear a kaftan…but they are back in style, according to Pinterest. I think Ashley Olson wore one, and now they are cool…go figure!).
You awesome Mommies who love hosting a good party can go ahead and fuss over throwing the perfect colour-coordinated Pinterest-inspired birthday, but this old girl is going to bring it down a few notches and just enjoy watching those booger-nosed boys run away from the garden hose, which I’m sure my husband will set on “jet spray”.
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